


Legendary Zen

by merryghoul



Category: Dirty Computer - Janelle Monáe (Emotion Picture), Dirty Computer - Janelle Monáe (Music Video)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Memory Loss, Misses Clause Challenge, Multi, Polyamory, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-20 15:50:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17025570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merryghoul/pseuds/merryghoul
Summary: Mary Apple 53’s job was to care for Jane 57821 before she became a Torch.  But the exploits of what she thinks is Jane’s creation, Zen, intrigued her.





	Legendary Zen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [notbecauseofvictories](https://archiveofourown.org/users/notbecauseofvictories/gifts).



Mary Apple 53 stopped checking on Jane 57821’s statistics on the tablet in Jane’s room when she heard a sniffle. “You’ve been crying,” Mary said to Jane. 

“No, I haven’t.”

“Let me get those for you,” Mary said, wiping away Jane’s tears with her thumb. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“I’m here to assist you while you’re making your journey through the darkness into the light. You can tell me anything you want. When you’re cleaned, you won’t feel a thing. Now what’s the matter?”

 

Aside from Jane losing Zen to the House of the New Dawn, there was nothing wrong with Jane. But Jane didn’t tell Zen this because Zen didn’t realize she was Zen. The House of the New Dawn called Zen “Mary Apple 53,” and Zen believed she was this Mary Apple 53 to the point where she wouldn’t answer to anything else. Until Zen realized she was Zen again, Mary Apple 53 was Zen’s name. Jane bitterly accepted this fact. That didn’t mean Jane couldn’t tell Mary about Zen. Jane spoke of Zen as if she was a myth, with the hope that maybe some of Zen’s story would resonate with Mary.

Jane didn’t know Zen’s life before the government decided to go after people, now called “computers,” they deemed “dirty.” Jane wished she knew, but in this oppressive world, trying to find a family member who may not be “clean” was dangerous. Jane did know Zen joined a gang, the Alchemists, that was opposed to groups like the House of the New Dawn. The Alchemists were fond of recreating, or attempting to recreate, the world of the Alchemists from a movie several decades old, and now very hard to obtain legally, _The Holy Mountain._ Inspired by this movie, the Alchemists also were interested in attaining a higher plane through mystical means.

The Alchemists threw a party at an abandoned mansion as the government was trying to round up more “dirty” computers to be cleaned. Jane’s friend Ché was going to be there, and with Jane’s gang, the black-and-white clad Django Janes, looking for a party, why not go to this mansion? 

Jane stole a couple identification passes from some “clean” computers transporting Nevermind gas to the House of the New Dawn. Two passes weren’t enough for all the Django Janes to get past the identification drones scanning passes. The identification drones, along with the police who manned them, rounded up dirty computers and sent them to cleaning facilities like the House of the New Dawn. Jane chose one of her Django Janes and herself to take the passes. Jane hacked and altered the passes so it was her and her driving companion who were clean, not the computers transporting Nevermind gas. She also made sure their retinal scans were associated with their passes. The government thought adding retinal scans would make identification passes hard to hack into. They were wrong. Meanwhile, the other Django Janes agreed to hide in the trunk of Jane’s hovercar.

At first Jane thought she’d be at the Alchemists’ mansion to party with the Django Janes and Ché on the mansion’s grounds until the party ended or the police broke it up. But Jane saw Alchemists moving around in the mansion and wondered why these specific Alchemists weren’t at the party. Jane decided to head inside. She was shocked no one tried to stop her. Jane climbed a series of stairs. The first thing Jane saw at the top of the stairs was Zen shaving the hair off of a couple of initiates to the order of the Alchemists. Zen later applied blue paint to their heads, as a way to bless them into the order.

It was love at first sight for Jane and Zen.

Zen dismissed her initiates to talk to Jane. Zen was intrigued with Jane’s hair; her curly spikes, the one braid in her hair with white hair braided into her black hair, the hoops woven into her braid. They sat and talked on the floor where Zen’s initiates were once kneeling, and talked for minutes about Jane’s hair as well as things about the Django Janes and the Alchemists.

A voice announced the Alchemists were preparing to have a final dinner, in case it was the last time the gangs could meet at the Alchemists’ mansion. Jane panicked. “I gotta go, Zen. They’re gonna know I’m not one of you.”

“It’s fine. I’ll show you a few rites and you’ll fit right in.”

“But I don’t look like any of y’all. I don’t have the hat, or the robe...”

Zen grabbed Jane’s shoulders. “Take a deep breath, Jane. I promise you, it’s okay. They’re not going to kick you out because you’re not dressed like us. I can grab you a shawl, if you’re willing to take your jacket off. That’s all you’ll need. And they won’t be upset if you get the rites wrong. All you have to do is try.”

Jane took a deep breath, calmed down, and smiled.

Zen grabbed a shawl as Jane took off her jacket. Zen taught Jane a few of the Alchemists’ rituals to the point Jane fit in and ended up at the head of the Alchemists’ table at their dinner, along with some of their other initiates.

But the dinner was short-lived. The police were monitoring the party as it was happening, waiting for the right time to pounce. As the police broke up the dinner, Ché managed to escape by himself. Zen grabbed Jane’s hand. Together they dodged the harsh lights of the police and their detection bots to find a place in the shadows to hide. Jane and Zen watched as the authorities rounded up some of their acquaintances. After that, the two of them, along with Ché and their respective gangs, were on the run. 

 

Jane was subjected to another dose of Nevermind gas and having her memories deleted. Afterwards, Mary met Jane in her room. Mary was in the middle of describing the responsibilities of Torches at the House of the New Dawn: “You’ll be assigned a computer once they arrive at the House of the New Dawn. You’ll be there when they receive Nevermind gas, and you’ll be there until they go through The Walk.”

“Zen?”

Mary looked at Jane.

“I mean, Mary Apple 53?”

“Yes?”

“Would you like me to tell you more about Zen?”

“Of course,” Mary said, sitting beside Jane on her bed with her attempt at a warm smile. “I’m always here for whatever you need before you embark on The Walk.” Mary had only known life inside the House of the New Dawn, but Zen had an exciting life outside the House of the New Dawn. Mary wanted to know more, even if Jane was maybe making it up.

 

Jane next told Mary about the time she lost Zen. They were leaving a party the Django Janes were throwing in a long abandoned building. The party was known as the “Screwed” party. It was both a celebration of... Mary didn’t want to think about that. In her head, she changed Jane’s term to “intercourse.” The party was also a reminder of the conflicts that lead to the totalitarian state the party-goers were currently living in. There was a screening of war scenes in one room and a performance under rainbow-colored lights in another room. Jane played guitar and Zen did double duty filming Ché and Jane making out at the party and playing around with a hybrid trumpet-camera. Except Zen wasn’t playing the trumpet-camera like one would usually play a trumpet. She did, however, enjoy running around holding the trumpet around her crotch.

“I don’t understand. How was Zen playing the trumpet if her mouth wasn’t on the mouthpiece?” Mary asked Jane.

Jane told Mary Zen’s trumpet-playing was Zen proclaiming her sexual preferences; Zen liked to strap on a dil...no, Mary didn’t want to think of that word. Zen liked to wear something phallic around her waist and...Mary couldn’t bear to think of where that phallus went. Mary was horrified this mythical Zen could participate in such dirty acts. 

Jane moved on to when she lost Zen. The Screwed party was over and Jane, Ché, and Zen were leaving it, looking for the next place to hide. Zen thought the cost was clear from the identification drones and the police rounding up dirty computers. But the police were lying in wait. The police picked up Zen and hauled her into a van. Jane tried to run after her, but Ché held her back. Jane fought Ché. She thought she could fight off the police and save Zen. Jane gave up when she realized all three of them would be outnumbered by the police and their identification drones. The two stayed quiet and hidden until the identification drones and the police were away from the building.

“Jane, remember our plan on the beach?” Ché asked Jane.

Jane had to stop her story there. The House of the New Dawn needed Zen to leave Jane’s side and do other errands. But as Zen left Jane’s room, Zen couldn’t help but wonder if the Jane in Jane’s story ever rescued Zen. Mary didn’t realize the Jane in Jane’s story was already there to attempt to rescue her.

 

After another round of deleted memories and Nevermind gas, Jane felt she needed to tell Mary about this one time Jane took Zen to the Pynk motel. Said motel was somewhere out in the desert in a place the police and the identification drones Jane never knew about. Jane and Zen left Ché with the Django Janes before they went to the motel.

Jane was in love with Ché before she met Zen. But ever since the three of them were on the run, mostly together, she fell even deeper in love with Zen. Jane talked to them together about being in love with both of them. She also asked if they were cool with her spending time romantically between the two of them. They agreed. This memory was all about Jane and Zen’s first time together. 

“First time doing what?” Mary asked. 

“It was the first time we—I mean Jane and Zen—made love.”

It appalled Mary to hear about this Jane making love to this Zen. The intercourse Jane and Zen had wasn’t the type of intercourse the House of the New Dawn approved of. Yet the way Jane talked about how Jane and Zen made love captivated her.

Jane talked about the little things the Jane in her story the night her Jane and Zen slept together. They both combed each other’s hair with their fingers before they made love. Jane traced the tattoos Zen had over her body. Jane kissed Zen’s nose in the morning. Those details alarmed Mary. Combing someone’s hair with their fingers was one thing. Anyone could do that. And lots of people didn’t mind being kissed on the nose. But Mary knew about the tattoos and some of the other body flaws Jane mentioned in her story. Zen’s tattoos were Mary’s tattoos. Zen’s body flaws were Mary’s body flaws. Mary’s tattoos were mostly covered up by the uniform the House of the New Dawn made her wear. There was no way Jane knew about Mary’s body flaws and her tattoos unless Jane saw her naked. Mary had never once been naked in front of Jane. To even be naked in front of a dirty computer in the House of the New Dawn meant to endure a severe punishment enacted by Virgin Victoria herself. What that punishment was, Mary didn’t know. But she was afraid of it nonetheless.

Mary jumped up from where she was sitting and left Jane’s room in a hurry. She needed to forget Jane’s tale of Jane and Zen’s first time. But Mary couldn’t. If Mary couldn’t forget this, she needed to be quiet about what Jane told her. Mary liked it at the House of the New Dawn, and she didn’t want to leave.

 

Some time later, Jane told Mary about a party Jane and Zen went to. Hosted by the gang known as the Mods, the party was ‘80s themed, with colored lighting, graffiti, and even an arcade room. Jane and Zen came dressed for the occasion, finding some clothes here and there on their journeys on the run. Ché, being Ché, showed up to the party with a jacket, because why would he not. Mary didn’t really care about the party or Jane discovering she loved Zen and Ché there. Mary thought it was a cute story, even though she was disturbed by the dirty things peppered into Jane’s story. That video game? That lollipop? That dil...no, don’t think about that dirty word! That phallic gun? How vulgar! But Mary was struck by how Jane described Zen’s fan. The fan was a bright yellow with floral designs on it. Jane said Zen liked to collect fans, but wait, was Mary really Zen? Because Mary swore she had a fan like that, once.

Mary caught herself and realized her owning fans, and especially as someone else, wasn’t true at all. Best to forget about what Jane told her.

 

By the time Mary discovered Jane’s crucifix tattoo—the one she drew up for Jane, and the one Jane and Ché saw her tattoo on Jane’s body—it hit Mary. Zen wasn’t a legend or some ploy from a dirty mind to get out of the House of the New Dawn. Mary was always Zen, and the House of the New Dawn created this “Mary Apple 53” persona after they thought all of her memories were gone.

Zen was right initially; it was too late to stop the House of the New Dawn from forcing Jane to take The Walk and to be dosed by a final round of Nevermind gas. It was painful to watch for Zen, to see the same monsters force her love into the same process she was forced to go through. It was painful to be reminded she forgot about Jane and pretended as if her whole life started and ended at the House of the New Dawn because it was painful to try to remember how happy she was with Jane outside of it.

But, as Zen watched Jane go through The Walk, she realized it wasn’t too late to leave the House of the New Dawn. Zen knew who she was now. If she now need to remind Jane of who she was, she could. Leaving the House of the New Dawn wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t impossible, either. Nothing was ever impossible, even in this totalitarian state. 

 

After Zen was captured by the police, Ché and Jane decided to separate. Jane’s intent was to be captured by the police, sneak into the House of the New Dawn, and get to Zen before all her memories were erased. If Ché was there, he’d also help get Zen out. Jane was too late. Ché was now in the House of the New Dawn; he was being held and prepared for memory deletion. Whether he intended to be captured to help save Zen or not was unknown. Whatever the case was, Zen had to save both Jane and Ché from the House of the New Dawn. 

 

The House of the New Dawn was confident Zen and Jane didn’t recognize each other to the point they lined up the two beside each other before a Walk. When Virgin Victoria was distracted watching this Walk in process, Zen bumped her fist against Jane’s hand, hoping Jane would react. To Zen’s relief, Jane bumped her hand back.

Zen cradled Jane’s hand and wrote “Hi” in Jane’s palm with her thumb.

Jane cradled Zen’s hand and wrote “Hey” in Zen’s palm with her thumb. She later wrote the words “meet,” “me,” “in,” “my,” “old,” and “room.”

“OK,” Zen wrote in Jane’s palm.

 

Zen made sure no one was following her as she entered Jane’s old room. There, Jane held the room’s diagnostics tablet in her hands. Instead of monitoring diagnostics, the tablet was playing what appeared to be a scene where Jane was in a bathtub. A couple of flamingos walked around the tub. 

Jane looked up as the doors to her old room shut. “I missed you so much, Zen.”

“I missed you too.” Zen brushed her right shoulder against Jane’s left shoulder to get closer to the monitor. “What’s this?”

Jane smiled. “It’s one of my dreams.”

“Dreams?”

“I knew I had to come in here and save you.”

“I thought I had to save you from this place!”

“You already saved me, Zen. You’ve changed my life. I don’t know how I would’ve survived this place if I never met you.

“Coming into the House of the New Dawn, I knew I had to give up some of my memories. But I wanted to keep some of my memories from them. So I used my dreams to protect the memories I wanted to save.”

“What did you save? Other than the time I gave you that tattoo.”

Jane drew a circle on the tablet before touching the middle of the circle. The image of Jane in the bathtub revealed an image of the Pynk Motel.

“Aww.”

“I told you I never wanted to forget that.” Jane used two fingers to swipe right the memory away, going back to the dream that included, in part, Jane in the tub. “And I’m using my dreams to do this.”

Jane drew a rectangle on the tablet. She tapped two fingers in the middle of the rectangle. The bathtub image now revealed the blueprint layout of the House of the New Dawn. Jane tapped on the blueprint. The blueprint now showed the heating, ventilation, and air conditioning system, and how it was also connected to the areas where Nevermind gas was being used. 

“I figured the cleaners could only delete our memories, but not our dreams,” Jane continued. “So I came up with dreams that would appear to the cleaners as memories. I was right. The cleaners can’t delete my dreams. And only I know how to control them. Now my dreams are stuck in their system.”

“Like a Trojan horse.”

“Like a Trojan horse. And I’m so glad I haven’t forgotten how to hack computers.”

Jane tapped on a few things to switch the Nevermind gas from being deployed in the Nevermind gas rooms to being deployed in the general areas of the House of the New Dawn. She swiped away the HVAC plan, then the blueprint, and finally the bathtub dream, restoring the default look of the tablet.

Jane placed the tablet back on the wall, then looked at Zen. “Do you know where they store the gas masks?”

Zen nodded, a sly smile on her face. “I can find three gas masks.”

Jane walked to where Zen was in the room. Zen leaned towards Jane for a kiss. She held her hand over Jane’s mouth, just in case that, somehow, the House of the New Dawn could monitor things like affections for the “wrong” types of people. Jane did the same. As Zen and Jane kissed, Zen was transported back to the beach. On the beach, Zen felt she was reassuring Jane their love would be fine even if the police captured Jane, Ché, or herself. Now she was reaffirming her love right in the heart of the domain of the people who wanted to pretend as if it never existed. 

Zen mouthed “Bye, I love you” as she walked to the doors of the room, waiting for the doors to open for her. Jane mouthed “Bye, love you too” to Zen as the doors opened.

 

Zen and Jane couldn’t carry Ché forever. They did manage to get him to the beach they were on before Zen was taken. Jane hid her hovercar before she surrendered to the House of the New Dawn in case she couldn’t carry Zen or Ché from safety. The hovercar was now once again hidden away from the police. Meanwhile, the three were hiding under a pier. Ché was covered in a blanket, leaning against the back of the pier. Zen and Jane tossed their House of the New Dawn uniforms into the ocean and were now wearing 80s-inspired clothing.

“Are you sure this paralysis serum’s going to wear off?” Ché said to Jane.

Jane kissed Ché’s forehead. “It shouldn’t last but a day. They keep paralyzing you daily until you’ve gone through the Walk.”

Zen balanced a sketchbook on her legs. She found the sketchbook while looking for a change of clothes for the three of them. “We can’t keep walking around with at least one person dressed like they’re from the House of the New Dawn.”

“What are we going to do until I can walk again?”

“We can try to remember our memories again,” Jane said. “Between the three of us, maybe we can regain what we lost back there, right? And Zen can draw some of our memories.”

Zen nodded as she adjusted a pencil in her hands. “Where do you want to start? The Alchemists’ party?”

“We can start there,” Jane said, before telling a story that involved Ché mentioning the Alchemists’ party, Jane swiping and hacking the identification passes, and making her way to the party, Ché’s arms, and Zen’s affections.

**Author's Note:**

> 1) The “Django Janes” nickname for Jane’s girl gang comes from [this article about the “Crazy, Classic, Life” stand-alone video.](https://nylon.com/janelle-monae-crazy-classic-life-video)
> 
> 2) I know Zen says “Mother Victoria” at one point in the Emotion Picture, but for this fic, I went with the end credits name the character is given, Virgin Victoria.


End file.
